Arg. I have to remove this from the guestbook because it's too damn long but I do believe that turnabout is fair play so I don't just want to delete it completely. Smallenough's response:
Thanks for that colorful message in my guestbook. Was it supposed to make me laugh and smile? Cause it did. But, I have a few comments for you after reading the post you put in your diary about your ideas concerning my entry. First of all, "fucking teenager driving around in mommy's SUV"... it's not my moms. It's mine. And I'm not a teenager. "complaining little assholes"... I am not complaining. I fully recognize what an amazing life I have. I have an amazing family... shelter, food, money for education... I am blessed with these things. Never would I ever say that I was dealt a bad hand in life. "Better yet, get that ass to a homeless shelter to volunteer... or a women's clinic. or a mental hospital. you think you're unhappy? you go fucking SEE unhappy." I have done these things. I volunteer at the shelters and hospitals, and have been a patient in the mental hospitals. I have both seen AND experienced firsthand the unhappiness that you are speaking of. Maybe not for the same reasons as the people I encountered in these places (though some of the reasons were quite similar)... but what does that matter? Is it a contest? I don't have a legitimate reason to ever be unhappy with my life because my reason isn't "the best" or isn't as devastating and destitute as the person beside me? I agree with you that there are people in this world whose situations are definately something to complain about, or as you said "gives them the fucking right to be depressed". But, even though I come from a better background then those people whom you say "have the right", stuff has happened to me that I have a right to be unhappy about. Does this stuff give me the right to be unhappy? Yes. Does it give me a right to dwell on this unhappiness? No. And I'm not. But when you're trying to recover from an eating disorder, as I am, part of the recovery is dwelling on some of the unhappy things in order to change/understand them. I am utterly grateful for everyday I have on this earth... and I agree with you? Life IS good. But that doesn't exempt one from having problems. My main problem is an eating disorder which developed a long time ago, but not out of a desire to just "be thin, or be anorexic". But from circumstances that would take too long to go into. And I am NOT pro-anorexic. I would not have voluntarily hospitalized myself to receive the help I needed to continue to live if I was pro-anorexic. I have been doing very well. I have just had a bad week is all. And that's what I was writing about. I am making it better. I am doing everything I am supposed to do to the best of my ability. And to your last comment, "I've done suicide attempts, anorexia, anti-depressants, the mental ward, the whole fucking shebang. And what I learned? This is me. This is life. You little babies who want something else? You're NEVER going to get it. This is ALL there is. This is it. Love it or leave it." I too have done the suicide attempts, the eating disorder, the meds, the hospitals, the "whole fucking shebang. And you know what I learned??? That the life that I was living that those times was not "it". And maybe I would be considered a "little baby" in your mind, but I wanted something else. I wanted to not have these problems? I wanted to fix the chemicals that are absent in my brain to make me normal? I wanted to understand why I was unhappy in the first place. So, that is what I've done and am doing. I am taking the medicines to help me? I am doing the therapy? and I am loving my life. But that doesn't mean that I it's not okay for me to have a bad week. Yes, I'll get over it. Things are already looking better. Yes. This is my life. But I'm not just going to take it. I'm going to take it and make it better. Just so you know, I "de-joined" your web ring, so I wouldn't unbottle that silly rage thing again. But, I like the name of the ring. But, then again, who are you to say that YOU'RE tired? Anyway, that's all I have to say. Sorry this is so long? but I did want to at least respond to your entry. Thanks again for getting on your high horse and screaming at me.
That made me happy.
I know, that must sound odd. I don't mean that it made me happy that she was hurt, or that I got exploded back at.
But I am happy that she does seem to be doing something about her life, and her unhappiness. I do wish her the best, and I am certain that I would have responded similarly to myself in other times.
Weirdly, she's pretty much completely agreeing with me. And she thinks I hate her, which is not so.
I just get SO frustrated seeing all these kids and not-kids-anymore being miserable when they could honestly be out there having a good time, changing the world's mind about "today's generation". Making it so that the New York Times Magazine never, ever, ever has to run another article on "cutting" (and let's not get me started on my reaction to THAT piece. Pompous assholes, NYT is).
And it's not a lack of sympathy for those having trouble, it's a (total) lack of sympathy for those who are just sitting there, not working to make any kind of change. I can't go in for wallowing.
So anyway, I promise to change the subject later. In the meantime I didn't want to delete the guestbook entry without first making her response to me available.
And -- smallenough -- a bad start, I know, but I hope you win this battle.
- onehanded
