Okay. I have vowed never to do a survey entry. And I'm not. But I was reading shiv's survey answers and I figured I could make up my own questions that would actually be semi-informative about my ownself. So you can consider this sort of a bio entry, I guess.

In the things people say that annoy you department.
It's not exactly that it annoys me. But I am a twenty-four year old female CEO that maybe passes for about age twelve IF you stick me in a suit with lots of makeup. In my normal drag, jeans and tank tops, I look much like an extremely tall eight year old. So one of the major things that I have to go through every time I meet with a new potential client or new representative of a client is proving myself, over and over, to everyone. I can understand it. If some kid wandered into my offices and informed me that s/he was about to tell me what to do with my business, I would be flipping a giant bird in their direction. So I have to work doubly hard than someone twice my age and/or male to impress people with my Giant Brain if we want to be hired. The lucky thing is that human consciousnesses tend to match up ages with impressions rather than appearances, so if I get enough time in before the always-asked "how the hell old are you, anyway", they're nearly always surprised at how young I am. And unlike most other females, I spend a lot of time trying to look older. I chopped off a full head of long hair. I wear fancy Armani suits. I wear makeup even though I hate it. I try very hard to avoid and then repair the errant zit on the basis that teenagers get pimples, not women in their twenties. Okay, I also just hate zits.

In the things I like to do department.
Most anyone who has read more than three words of this should have figured this out by now. I don't have anything one could really count as a hobby. I read an inordinate amount. I can't live without reading. If I don't read for a certain period of time, I get very antsy. I will read anything that someone recommends, and usually hate it. I am becoming more and more disenchanted with contemporary literature as time goes by: I keep going to the bookstore and perusing the New Fiction area, thinking nearly every time I read a book jacket "Why in hell would anyone want to write about this?" -- not even "why would anyone want to read this". To me, to like a book, I need to feel like the author was driven to write something. It doesn't have to be that obvious, but I feel like everything always falls flat if it's not true. There are a few exceptions. I like VK Narayan. I liked Mafouz although I think he croaked on me, and I did not like his early stuff that won him the Nobel. I liked his later, vignette-style novellas very much, however. I am now sort of so-so on Rushdie. I like some of his books a lot, and some I think suck. Almost all of them I feel like if he had pushed himself a little further it would have been ten times better, as in the case of Midnight's Children. The Satanic Verses blew; I always felt it was a crying shame that he got the fatwa for like his worst book.

Above all, Faulkner. I love Faulkner. It is actually a running joke with my employees, the depth to which I love Faulkner. Granted, some of his books are crap, notably The Fable (his ill-fated masterwork, now really his only proper book to be out of print), and his first two pieces of crap, Mosquitoes and Soldier's Pay. The Reivers was no earth-shatterer, either. But when he is good, man, he is pure genius. Absalom, Absalom to me is about as good as a book can get. Although it was Sanctuary that sealed my love. I have even gone so far as to collect first editions, the only author I would even consider doing that with. I have read 1.5 biographies about him, not counting his brother's bio which was a piece of crap by a sibling trying to capitalize on his brother's fame. The other half-a-bio I read I became so enraged by I apologized to Faulkner's ghost for actually spending money on it. That's how much I love Faulkner. When I run out of books, I reread Faulkner. When somebody asks me for a recommendation, I have been known to reply "Faulkner, Faulkner, Faulkner". Okay. I think you get the point.

There are others. I like many of the Russians: Tolstoy, Dostoevsky, Nabakov. I do not like reading plays, and I cannot stand reading poetry. My mother ruined poetry for me.

She ruined poetry for me by being a poet. As young as age nine, she had me reading and editing her poetry for her. I was and am an excellent editor of poetry. But she ruined it partly by getting pissed off when I critiqued her, which was just not fair since that was what she was asking for and if I just said "sure, ma, it's great" she would get pissed at that too. Also because her poems were always about her deepest personal feelings which I really did not necessarily want to know, thank you very much. Especially at age nine. Later when I got older I was able to just refuse to read them at all. And so I wound up only ever being able to stand reading poetry by people I knew personally, and only then if it didn't suck. Not that my mother's sucked, she's actually pretty good. Which was also part of the problem. One misjudged line or word will ruin a whole poem for me. Yuck. Anyway. I can't read the stuff. I just get irritable.

And we also all know about my pets. 2 cats, 1 dog, 1 tiny marsupial. All great kids, mostly.

In the things I say department.
Not really a thing I say. I tend to wave my hand in an "eh" fashion a lot. Usually several times a day. This is meant to indicate "so not worth thinking about." Not in a snotty way, in a Zen way. In my old age I am getting even more laid back than I was, and I was pretty damned laid back to begin with. I just refuse to put any energy into something that doesn't feel worth it to me. This includes everything. People, work, books, movies, everything. It can unfortunately also work against me as in the case of exercise.

In the women department.
Again, anyone who has read me for longer than six and a half seconds ought to know that I love women. Sexually and otherwise. Although I'm seriously lacking in the former sense, again as anyone would know. And sure I suppose there are lots of women out there I wouldn't get along with, same as men, but I just ignore them. I've seen a lot of answers to this one along the lines of I don't like women who like purses. The things that bug me about women have little to do with that sort of thing, especially in the sweeping generalization department.

The things that bug me about women? How much we/they let ourselves/themselves be ruled by men. And society. It bugs me that there are women that let themselves be abused. It bugs me that there are women that starve themselves to look good for men. It bugs me that there are women who ruin their feet and legs (both here and in China and all over the place) because heels and/or bound feet are attractive to men. It bugs me that women took Valium and repressed themselves for years because of men. It bugs me that there are women who keep spitting out the babies to please their man and/or god, whether or not it's good for them or if they even want more children. It bugs me that we haven't had a female president yet. It bugs me when women turn on other women, instead of supporting one another. It bugs me when young women fail to understand what previous generations had to go through so we can be where we are today. It bugs me that rape and child molestation are not punishable by death. THOSE are the things that bug me about women. More than bug me. Breaks my heart. All the time.

In the things (as in belongings) around you (I'm not doing the desk thing, that's irrelevant) department.
I have huge quantities of christian iconography ranging from the extremely kitsch (usually gifts) to the unbelievably beautiful (mostly my own purchases). I have a huge crucifix in my bedroom. I have an amazing tapestry sort of thing of the virgin and child, very old and in rather a state of disrepair but beautiful nonetheless in my living room. I have Byzantine Jesus, russian jesus, old jesus and new jesus. Especially ones with sacred hearts, of which I have a tattoo. I have a granite Mary with a sacred heart, that was stolen from a headstone and given to me as a gift. I couldn't exactly put it back (didn't know where it came from, never mind trying to actually find the gravestone amidst thousands) so I kept it. I have holographic jesi, I have ugly flag jesus with buck teeth who looks like he's hawking his sacred heart at a flea market. I have a jesus clock, jesus watch (that I don't wear but get a kick out of because if I did wear it I could say "JESUS look at the time"), and jesus candlesticks. Getting the picture? Oh, and a jesus mousepad.

I'm also an agnostic. My ties to organized religion are almost entirely visual.

In the other things about me department.
I am a good cook but I never cook. I tend to have brief spurts of decorating activity which I never actually finish unless the task can be completed in six hours or less. I rarely leave the house unless I have to. I have a giant television mostly due to the Boy except that it was the present we bought me the last time I had an abortion. Well, just before it, actually, after the first checking appointment thing. I walked out and was very sad (again) and told the Boy I wanted a present. So we bought the huge telly. I cannot grow plants, I am terrible at remembering to water them and stuff. I drink too much and I eat crap, which I have also covered in previous entries.

I like, mostly, Baroque-esque furnishings. This works out well since they're all heavily patterned which makes them ideal for hiding the ill-works of many pets. I live in Brooklyn and love it (Brooklyn in the HOUSE! Whoo!). I hate the New York Times and I love the Daily News. I am mostly extremely left.

I am not-girly enough to have had many people tell me that I'm (in the words of one of them) a "bloke in a skirt". And apparently I am also "ballsy". But I also do like dressing up, as long as I don't have to do it very often. And if I wear heels I am well over six feet so I tend away from that as well.

I wear almost no jewelry, and what I do wear is permanent: two small hoop earrings and 1 jesus crucified ring. All silver. I hate gold. I hate stones, at whatever level of precious-ness, but especially cut gems. I used to be much pierced, with ten holes in left ear, five in right, two in nose, and one in nipple. Would probably have gone further except for the whole getting a job thing.

Later on I'll have to tell the blind non-dates with Albino Diabetic Midget and Icky Forty-Five-Year-Old Married Man stories because for some reason I was just reminded of them. But not now.

I do believe I have written enough to count this as not at all a survey, but a proper entry. Fie on you, surveys.

onehanded