Took a gander at my sitemeter this evening (haven't been paying much attention to it) and I have to report some googles (yes shivers I have been meaning to join since I saw you start the ring but the thing is I make graphics for all my rings and as sad as it sounds I just haven't had the energy to do so yet, but I promise promise promise I will):

"purchase+pseudoephedrine+hydrochloride" -- Okay, this is one I CAN actually help with. It's SUDAFED! Jeeeeez. Go get yourself any random decongestant and you've got yourself some pseudoephedrine hydrochloride. If you live in a state where plain old ephedrine hydrochloride is legal, you're all set -- look in truck stops for diet aids and no-sleep-helpers. But don't come crying to me when you have a heart attack or your lung collapses or you develop random breathing problems or your liver gives up.

Related but WAY more bizarre is: "horny+ephedrine-goat-weed". How confusing can one get? It would appear that we're looking for ephedrine as a sex aid (doesn't work) but withOUT goats or weed. Very important, that. We *certainly* wouldn't want anyone getting stoned, eating ephedrine, and screwing a goat. Freak.

We have FIVE albino midget-related queries. Two "Albino Midget"s and two "midget albino"s and one albino+midgets+pictures. Now either albino midgets are becoming a much larger segment of our population than I would have guessed or this is just plain werid. And can I just SAY how fucked up people are??

"skanky+old+lady" -- Ewwwwwwwww. And ew again. You there, you are GROSS.

tampon+ballet -- THIS one I like. I like this one a LOT. A tampon ballet. There's just so much potential. You could go the puppet-show route, or the scrawny girls dressed up route, or even the all-menstruating cast route. It's brilliant. Where's Baryshnikov when you need him??

diaryland+foreplay+parents -- godDAMMIT you people are fucking disgusting.

girls+bloody+maxi+pads -- See above. I mean, I have been known to have my kinks. But really. There are just some fucked-up people out there. For any of you on this same topic, this is all I've got on the subject.

And you gotta love the simple ones. We've got "deflowering" and "Fucking real". Now I am only an expert as per my own personal deflowering. But man I'm keepin' it Fucking (capitalization theirs, not mine) REAL, man, aiiiight? At least as real as a bourgie white chick can....(note to all askance-looking folks, I'm kidding).

Far more perplexing is aim+answering+machine+messages -- now, this could be some very confused poor soul who is looking for "away messages", but I doubt that. More likely it's a very geeky person trying to figure out how to have their answering machine record IMs. Either way, I can't help ya. I DID once craft an Ode to My Answering Machine, however.

Weirdly, I have a referral from "my.yahoo.com". I have no idea what to make of that. Is that someone who just stuck me in their personal Yahoo page links list? Or was I actually featured on Yahoo? I'm suspecting the former because if it was the latter, I'm sure there would have been a lot more of them. If this is you, speak up, dammit.

And it would appear that I'm getting popular with the friends of Dorothy. Which is not surprising given that it's so in real life as well. Witness: real+pictures+of+fairies (okay, it's true, I'm giving this person the benefit of the doubt and assuming they mean Gay Persons, and not tiny mythical winged creatures. If I am wrong, and you are not under the age of 8, you seriously need to get out more.) and gay+googles. Though the latter is a little existential. I really don't know how to interpret that. Most likely is a porn sitemaster trying to find a way to get more hits, but I'm just going to pretend instead that it's a gay man looking for people who get googled for gayness. Of course if I'm any example, googling for relevant googles is not the way to google.

pictures+of+first+bleeding+for+girls and tampon+applicator+story and pictures of how to insert tampons (the last one I think has gotta me a decent young girl) -- THIS is what I get for writing about tampons. Christ. Again, I say: You there, take yourself out back and shoot yourself. You'll be doing the rest of us (and our daughters) a favor.

Gotta love: fat+hanging+belly+boy and boy+fat+rolls -- hey, fat guys, you clearly have a fan club out there...

insertion+of+tampon+pictures -- I am choosing to believe that this is a pubescent female. I KNOW it's not true. But really. I'd so much rather believe that than the alternative.

TWO for bum+kiss (and bum+kissing) -- There is ONE (or more) porn-surfer out there who REALLY needs to learn how to refine their searches better. Lame. Of course, he or she (betting he) could be looking for tips on brown-nosing. Not gonna find much here on that subject...I do like the angelicized (sp?) "bum", though.

MANY folks looking for virgins. You sicken me.

midgets+dating -- Weird. See above.

Unfortuantely for this person: best+answering+machine -- one man's meat is another man's poison. It would appear that MOST people get answering machines because they actually want to HEAR the messages. Not I, and sorry I couldn't help ya.

My favorite of the night: sacrificing+a+chicken.

My LEAST favorite of the night: young+girls+painfully+fucked. See above, re KILLING YOURSELF

Amusing in the fact that this person may in fact have learned something: methamphetamine+hydrochloride+recipe

that's it for now...
- onehanded