Shit. So many things I have wanted to say over the past HOW many days since I had a proper update??

First, an apology. Not just for not updating as I should have been, but also because of some sort of explosion of egotism. Basically I was all bitter about nobody coming and screaming at my guestbook about where was I until I realized that of course everyone -- as it should be -- is giving back pretty much exactly what they're getting from me. So that was very silly of me.

Second. For a bit I was not feeling much like updating because...well, because I was feeling sort of all right about stuff. I know that's silly. It's even sillier because I have felt all right and updated. But the thing is, this was basically borne of need and sadness and bottled-up emotions, and sometimes, when that's not so much present, especially when I've been typing and in meetings like 16 hours a day, it's hard to feel a need to spit this shit out.

But I was thinking last night as I was lying in bed and thinking of the things I wanted to say here to any of you who are still reading my lame ass after this past week or two of total diaryslackhood.

And there were thoughts there that I have, of course, completely forgotten by now. But the general point was that the urge is still there, and that's good. And that I MISS you all. Like, I really, really MISS you. So for the first time in a little while I will repeat my plea to sign the guestbook and say hello.

In other news. Boy and I SEEMED to be doing well until he got some sort of major PMS tonight and threw a snit and went to bed at like 10pm (unheard of in our world), even after I had asked him out to dinner. I am hoping this will be short-lived. ESPecially since around about 5 minutes from now I should be embarking on my own regularly scheduled hormonal fluctuations, and I dunno WHAT might happen if we're both PMSing at the same time.

His toe still hurts.

Feeling still more better even than I had about work. I feel like I've actually really been accomplishing some stuff lately. Like my work product (I know, gag) has been seriously worthwhile and useful. And like stuff is perking up in terms of the new business side of things. I'm *dealing* with stuff. and it's okay. It's good. Things are Talked About. We have Staff Meetings. I have my attitude back.

Crushing client is in the process of becoming (I think) Friend Client. Which is good because before Love At First Sight (or whatever it was) showed up last Friday I was actually starting to get a little concerned about a potential Showdown. I admit that my ego was slightly bruised by the about-face on his part, I am a girl after all, but honestly...I have been sending out no-touch vibes for weeks now, so what am I to expect? I mean, it's one thing if you've been encouraging and a guy goes elsewhere. It's another if you've been in the "no, seriously, just friends" mode.

I had a really nice conversation with Z (ex-employee, old-friend, getting-back-as-friend-since-firing-her) over a drink last night. I've honestly been without real human contact other than Boy and Business for so long...it's really good. It's --- you never miss the water till the well runs dry.

And A and I have been emailing, and I think we're starting to get to a sort of rapport. There are things, I think, for each of us that only the other could possibly understand. It's hard for both of us too, because we can't really reach out -- but in some ways I think that's good. Neither of us has been very good historically at boundaries (sorry A)...

And me, mostly I'm working. That's been a serious factor against me updating. Just if you're typing as much as I'm typing in any given day, it's just SO hard to face ANOTHER thing to type. Even if it's not work. It's gotten bad, really. I don't respond to email I don't *absolutely* have to. I don't IM because it's JUST MORE TYPING. I have generated I honestly don't know how many pages in the past couple days -- at least a few dozen -- and there's like a LOT more in the next few days. Ugh. Why can't this fucking machine read my mind?

Pets good. Marsupials: standard, now, still in love, but relaxed some. Seemingly happy.

No major issues, really. Boy (origin of stupid snit) tried to talk politics/issues with me, which was the first mistake -- IRL, I avoid that like the plague, maybe later I'll write all about that, in the meantime just accept it -- and the second was basing his discussion on an ultra-conservative columnist which regardless of my actual opinion will put me into super-confrontational mode, but to my credit, dammit, I TOTALLY didn't make a big argument at all. Honestly he really was having some kind of PMS moment. Hopefully we will have recovered by tomorrow.

So...that's it. All is basically well in the Land of Onehanded. Incredibly lots love goes out to all who know who I'm talking about, and incredibly much apologies for not being nearly as attentive as I ought to have been over the past days. Most of the diaries on my list I haven't even *read*, let alone signed the guestbook...just too beat.

Well, all I can do is hope that you haven't all given up on me and quit loving me by now. I'm here, and apparently I'm here for something like good, if the fact that I'm feeling okay and still urged to update is any evidence.

- onehanded